Trump’s Gaza Riviera Dream Met with Global Shock and Laughter
Trump proposes turning war-torn Gaza into a luxury beach resort, sparking outrage and disbelief.
In yet another chapter of the Trump-Kushner Grand Hotel of Delusions, former U.S. President Donald Trump has proposed converting Gaza—currently an active war zone—into a luxury beach resort.
Yes, you read that correctly.
The same place where airstrikes are more common than happy hour specials could soon be rebranded as "The Riviera of the Middle East," according to the former president’s latest real estate fantasy.
This bold vision, which sounds like a rejected storyline from Succession, has drawn swift and horrified reactions from Palestinians, international law experts, and anyone with a functional understanding of geopolitics.
However, it has reignited the long-standing Trumpian belief that all global conflicts are, at their core, just "real estate disputes" waiting for the right developer.
Kushner’s Gaza: Like Monaco, But with More Drone Strikes
The roots of this fever dream trace back to Jared Kushner, Trump’s son-in-law and designated Middle East whisperer, who once casually dismissed the Israeli-Palestinian conflict as nothing more than a "real estate dispute."
At a Harvard event in early 2024, Kushner lamented the "unfortunate situation" in Gaza but reassured everyone that the enclave’s "waterfront property could be very valuable"—a statement that is objectively true in the same way that saying "Chernobyl has great redevelopment potential" is technically accurate.
"If people would focus on livelihoods instead of, you know, generational displacement and war, Gaza could be better than Monaco," Kushner mused, apparently unaware that Monaco is not under blockade and does not have 47,000 civilians killed in six months.
The Market for War-Torn Beachfront Property: Surprisingly Niche
While Trump and Kushner envision a glamorous paradise of five-star hotels and high-end shopping, actual investors seem reluctant to pour money into a place that currently has the structural integrity of a Jenga tower mid-collapse.
Israeli investment analyst Raz Domb states, "Large-scale redevelopment in post-conflict areas generally requires significant investment, stability, and long-term planning."
In other words, it’s not ideal when the main attraction is rubble with an ocean view.
Saudi Arabia, which Trump assumed would foot the bill, has already shut down the idea with a diplomatic version of "LOL, no."
Meanwhile, Israel’s settler movement has shown more enthusiasm—not because they’re interested in Trump’s beach club, but because the idea of removing Palestinians aligns with their long-standing desire to resettle Gaza.
The Real Elephant in the Room: Who’s Moving Out?
Trump's press conference did not explain what happens to the two million Palestinians currently residing in Gaza, other than vague talk of "moving them out."
Critics were quick to point out that this plan sounds eerily like ethnic cleansing with a golf course.
Palestinians, unsurprisingly, see this as a continuation of the "Nakba"—the 1948 mass displacement that still defines their national identity.
Meanwhile, international law experts are frantically checking their textbooks to confirm that, yes, forcibly displacing an entire population to build a casino is, in fact, illegal.
The Trump Real Estate Method: Bulldoze First, Think Later
It remains unclear whether Trump genuinely believes in this idea or if it's just another "Art of the Deal"-style bluff to throw opponents off balance.
His administration officials, including newly appointed Middle East envoy Steve Witkoff (another former real estate developer, because why not?), have described Gaza as a "demolition site" requiring at least $100 billion in reconstruction.
So, will Gaza become the next Dubai? Will displaced Palestinians be handed VIP passes to the grand opening of "Trump Gaza Towers"? Or will this idea, like so many of Trump’s past ventures, collapse faster than a fraudulent university?
One thing is certain: If there’s ever a real estate listing for “beachfront property, Mediterranean views, needs minor repairs,” you should probably read the fine print.
Za-Head