Six Weeks of Corruption: The Swamp Strikes Back
How billionaires, political insiders, and corporate elites cashed in while regulators looked the other way.
If you thought draining the swamp meant less corruption, think again.
Over the past six weeks, we’ve seen a masterclass in self-dealing, regulatory sabotage, and good old-fashioned pay-to-play politics.
Whether it’s billionaires cashing in, regulators getting steamrolled, or Trump-world getting a financial boost, it’s been a banner season for corruption.
The U.S. Senator Chris Murphy posted this handy timeline:
Let’s break down the timeline of dysfunction, scandal by scandal.
Week 1: The Pay-to-Play Olympics Begin
January 20: Handouts for Fossil Fuel CEOs
Nothing screams “America First” like corporate welfare for fossil fuel billionaires. As if record-breaking profits weren’t enough, the administration made sure oil and gas CEOs had an even cushier ride—because why invest in renewables when you can subsidize pollution?
Trump Meme Coin Scam
The grift never stops. With Trump’s brand now extending into the meme coin economy, it’s just another example of how Trump-world turns anything into a cash grab. Whether it’s steaks, NFTs, or now digital currency, the only consistent theme is separating his base from their wallets.
Week 2: Neutering Watchdogs and Juicing Stock Prices
Paralyzing the National Labor Relations Board (NLRB)
Workers trying to unionize? Not on this administration’s watch. By stalling the NLRB, they made it easier for corporations to crush organizing efforts and ensure that worker power remains a pipe dream.
Golf Deal for Trump Properties
Because what’s the point of being in power if you can’t steer business toward your own resorts? Another sweetheart deal ensured that Trump’s golf empire stays afloat with a little help from taxpayer-adjacent money.
January 24: Formalizing Crypto Fraud & Juicing Trump Media’s Stock Price
Regulation? Oversight? Who needs it! With a wink and a nod, the powers that be ensured that certain crypto ventures (read: their buddies) could continue operating in a legally murky landscape while pumping the value of Trump Media. Call it “free market innovation”—or just call it what it is: a scam.
Week 3: Law & Order (For Thee, Not For Me)
January 25: Firing Inspectors General & Dismantling the CFPB
When you’re running a grift, you don’t want watchdogs sniffing around. So, naturally, those pesky inspectors general were shown the door. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB) was also gutted—because why protect consumers when you can let banks and lenders run wild?
February 1: Dropping DOJ Investigations & Lawsuits
What’s the point of appointing your own attorney general if they can’t shut down cases against you and your allies? In one swift move, Trump-world ensured that investigations into corporate malfeasance and political wrongdoing suddenly vanished into thin air.
Week 4: The Billionaire Bailout Continues
Legalized Bribes by Foreign Governments
Why waste time with pesky FEC violations when you can just legalize foreign money in American politics? In a major win for global kleptocrats, foreign governments were given more leeway to “donate” to American politicians—a move sure to make corruption more efficient than ever.
Firing Inspectors of Neuralink
Elon Musk’s pet projects aren’t just getting government contracts—they’re getting government protection. After troubling reports about Neuralink’s research practices, the administration conveniently fired those responsible for oversight. If anything goes wrong, don’t worry—the next brain chip update will probably fix it.
Bolstering Vitagummy Scams
Snake oil salesmen rejoiced as the administration doubled down on deregulating the supplement industry. Now, vitamin scams can thrive even more freely, flooding the market with miracle cures that are about as effective as prayers at a casino.
Week 5: The Musk Welfare Program
February 23: $2.4 Billion Gift to Musk’s Starlink
Musk might claim to be a rugged capitalist, but the reality is he thrives on government subsidies. This time, Starlink got a cool $2.4 billion infusion—because apparently, the world’s richest man needs your tax dollars to stay competitive.
Gutting the Watchdog of Billionaire Tax Cheats
If billionaires weren’t already finding enough loopholes, this administration made sure the IRS would stop looking altogether. By neutering the agency’s ability to investigate wealthy tax dodgers, they essentially legalized tax evasion for the ultra-rich.
Week 6: Making the Grift Official
March 1: Pushing Ad Money Towards X
A subtle but effective way to funnel government money into Musk’s empire: redirect ad spending from federal agencies to X (formerly Twitter). Call it a bailout in disguise, where public funds quietly pad Musk’s bottom line.
March 4: Selling For-Profit Merchandise in Government Offices
Because why not turn public spaces into gift shops for personal brands? The administration took the shameless step of selling for-profit merchandise in federal buildings, signaling that governance is just another arm of the influencer economy.
$5 Million One-on-One Trump Meetings
Forget the old days of political donations buying access—the new model is simpler: pay $5 million, get a personal audience with Trump. Who needs policies when access to power is a simple wire transfer away?
Canceling CDC & FDA Vaccine Meetings
Why let science and public health get in the way of political optics? In a move that makes it clear that Big Pharma and political interests come first, the administration canceled meetings meant to address vaccine safety, because reality is inconvenient when there’s a narrative to spin.
Make It Make Sense
What we’ve witnessed in just six weeks isn’t just corruption—it’s corruption on steroids.
It’s government as a full-scale grift machine, funneling money to billionaires, shielding political allies from scrutiny, and selling influence to the highest bidder. The irony? The very people who were promised a “drained swamp” are the ones getting fleeced the most.
But hey, if you’ve got a few million to spare, you too can get a private meeting with the former president. What’s democracy without a little pay-to-play?
That’s the point.
Zahead, Chaos Analyst