Memecoins, AI, and Billionaire Bromances
Day 002
I just wanted to publish the first post on the Inauguration Day and so I half assed it. It wasn’t my best work but I read on a cat poster that you miss 100% of all shots you don’t take.
I will do better going forward, I guess.
It’s Day 2.
In a spectacle that feels like The Onion co-wrote a political thriller, Donald Trump kicked off his final term with a chaotic mashup of walking back campaign promises, hosting tech billionaires, and dabbling in cryptocurrency.
If his first term was the pilot episode, this is the full-blown series finale—complete with plot twists, billionaire cameos, and a memecoin no one asked for.
From Bold Promises to “Eh, Maybe Later”
Remember the Trump who promised tariffs on every single Chinese import like Oprah giving out cars?
Well, turns out that version of him has been replaced with “Let’s review trade deals.”
And his pledge to end the Ukraine war before his hand touched the Bible on the inauguration stage? That timeline’s now been revised to six months.
He also never touched the Bible. Go figure.
But hey, at least Israel and Hamas managed a ceasefire, which feels like progress until Trump realized, that Gaza is a “phenomenal location. On the sea, best weather. Everything's good. Beautiful things can be done.”
Wall Street’s Favorite Rerun
The dollar is back to flexing like it’s 2016, and investors are throwing confetti. Economists, meanwhile, are stuck in a perpetual state of déjà vu, wondering if this is actual confidence or a Groundhog Day scenario.
Adding to the absurdity is the emergence of $TRUMP, the memecoin that no one wanted but everyone’s ironically trading.
Its value swings harder than Trump at a press conference, proving that in his America, even your portfolio can have an identity crisis.
Tech Titans: A Front-Row Seat to Democracy’s Roast
Trump’s inauguration wasn’t just a political event; it was basically a billionaire Coachella.
Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, Sundar Pichai, Shou Zi Chew, and Jeff Bezos were all in attendance.
The message? If you want a seat at the table in Trump’s America, bring a trillion-dollar market cap and a flair for meme-worthy stunts.
And speaking of stunts, TikTok’s unexpected resurrection over the weekend—aided by a Trump-sponsored PSA—felt like the plot of a rejected Black Mirror episode.
Trump, once TikTok’s arch-nemesis, now proposes joint ownership between ByteDance and the U.S. government. The irony is so thick it could be bottled and sold as a product of the American dream.
The Stargate Spectacle: AI, Texas, and Ego
In a move straight out of a sci-fi fever dream, Trump unveiled Stargate, a $500 billion plan to make America the leader in AI. Flanked by tech billionaires Masayoshi Son and Sam Altman, Trump declared, “This is the greatest AI project in history—China is shaking, folks. Shaking!”
The plan starts with building massive data centers in Texas—because where else would you launch an AI initiative than in the land of cowboy hats and BBQ brisket?
Critics, however, have noted the glaring lack of details, prompting one journalist to ask about AI ethics. Trump’s response? “We’ve got the best ethics. No one’s better at ethics than us. China? No ethics. That’s why we’re winning.”
As construction begins, the only certainty is that Stargate will either make America an AI powerhouse or be remembered as the world’s most expensive midlife crisis.
DOGE: When Musk and Ramaswamy Spark Less Joy
The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE)—Trump’s ill-fated attempt to Marie Kondo federal spending—has devolved into a tech bro fever dream.
With Vivek Ramaswamy’s departure to chase Ohio gubernatorial ambitions, Elon Musk is now running the show solo. His mission? Trim $2 trillion in federal spending while simultaneously fielding lawsuits, tweeting memes, and building rockets.
Critics have pointed out that Musk managing government budgets while landing lucrative contracts for SpaceX and Tesla is like asking a fox to streamline the henhouse.
Musk’s response? “If you deregulate everything, there’s nothing left to regulate,” followed by a meme of a rocket launching over shredded legal documents.
Meanwhile, Ramaswamy’s Ohio campaign has sparked… mild interest, as residents try to figure out what DOGE even did besides generate headlines.
Trump’s final term (I hope) is shaping up to be a dystopian carnival ride of big promises, bigger egos, and even bigger memes.
Whether it’s memecoins, TikTok turnarounds, or $500 billion AI pipe dreams, one thing is certain: this presidency will be remembered less for governance and more for its binge-worthy absurdity.
Stay anxious America, you voted for lower egg prices.