Everyone Must Go Before September
Federal workers were promised paid leave before forced resignations. Now they’re finding out the leave part is flexible—but the resignation isn’t.
Every dystopia starts with paperwork. And in the case of the federal government’s “Deferred Resignation Program,” the paperwork was signed, sealed, and—apparently—not actually approved by HR.
Across agencies like the SBA, USDA, and even the IRS, thousands of civil servants are discovering that the terms of their so-called golden parachutes have changed midair. They were promised paid leave through the summer in exchange for quietly walking away. Now they’re being told to stick around longer, with HR suddenly claiming some of those resignation agreements were “never officially signed.” The only problem? Many of them were.
At the SBA, more than 1,500 employees in the COVID loan servicing center were told their last day would be April 19. Then came a mysterious delay. Now, they’re being told they must work until an undetermined date in May because someone in HR forgot to dot an “i.” Except one version of the agreement has the signature of SBA’s own chief human capital officer. Awkward.
Let’s zoom out.
Bureaucracy is Being Burned for Efficiency
The Deferred Resignation Program was created in January under Trump’s second term—a sweeping plan to downsize the federal workforce while dodging bad PR. Rather than mass layoffs, agencies were told to offer employees paid leave if they agreed to resign voluntarily. Think of it as severance with a smile. Or a funeral with snacks.
The result? Over 75,000 feds have opted into the program so far, including 16,000 at the USDA alone. Another 3,500 at the U.S. Forest Service. Whole divisions are vanishing before the final paperwork clears the printer.
Agencies say they’re “optimizing” the workforce. Employees say they’re being emotionally blackmailed into leaving.
Agencies Want Them Gone—But Not Yet
At the heart of the chaos is a contradiction. Agencies are desperate to shed staff but still need those same people to finish processing the mountain of work created by pandemic programs, disaster relief, or just everyday government functions. So they reopen the offer, extend departure dates, and quietly guilt-trip everyone into staying a few more weeks.
It’s the HR equivalent of asking your ex to help you move out.
Take the USDA.
In the final week of the resignation window, employees were blasted with up to 20 emails from supervisors and HR. “We were being peppered like hot wings before grilling,” said one worker. (Honestly, give that person a Pulitzer.) The message was clear: take the deal or face layoffs.
Your “choice” is between voluntary resignation with pay or involuntary redundancy with nothing.
Signed Agreements Suddenly Aren’t
The SBA’s excuse? HR didn’t sign the forms. But when confronted with copies that were signed—by the chief human capital officer, no less—the agency had no comment. Classic move. When in doubt, pretend the signature was forged by a rogue intern with a passion for severance agreements.
Meanwhile, the IRS and other agencies are pulling the same bait-and-switch: you can leave… just not yet.
Apparently, the pipeline hasn’t been “cleaned out.” Translation: We didn’t plan for this many people to take the offer. Oops.
A Government That Outsources Itself
This isn’t just about layoffs. It’s about a worldview.
The DRP is a soft coup against the idea of public service. It treats civil servants as liabilities to be optimized, not assets to be supported. It’s part of a larger ideology—less government, more disruption, and zero patience for institutional memory. The message isn’t just “you’re fired.” It’s “you were never supposed to be here this long.”
What happens when every scientist, loan officer, environmental regulator, and benefits processor walks out with no one trained to replace them? According to Trump’s USDA, nothing to worry about. They’re becoming a “farmer first” agency. No mention of food safety, disaster relief, or climate resilience. But hey—at least it sounds patriotic.
This is what privatization without legislation looks like: create unbearable conditions, offer fake choices, then shrug when the system breaks. The Deferred Resignation Program is not just a bureaucratic maneuver—it’s a philosophical experiment in how far you can stretch “voluntary” before it becomes coerced.
And if this is how the government treats the people who run the government, imagine what’s coming for the rest of you.
Might want to sign your own resignation letter now—before they change the font and tell you it doesn’t count.
That’s the point.