Denmark Wants to Buy California and Honestly, It’s a Pretty Good Deal
Denmark trolls Trump by offering to buy California, proving that revenge is best served with pastries.
Thousands of Danes have signed a petition to buy California from the United States.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Denmark, the country best known for LEGO, Viking ancestry, and being consistently ranked among the happiest nations in the world, has decided that it deserves some extra sunshine, a booming tech industry, and front-row seats to whatever drama Gavin Newsom and Donald Trump cook up next.
The Danish Proposition: Sunshine, Startups, and Disneyland 2.0
The petition, which has already gained nearly 200,000 signatures, proposes that Denmark cough up a casual $1 trillion (or roughly the cost of two Silicon Valley startups and a Malibu beach house) to acquire the Golden State.
In return, Danes would gain access to California’s limitless supply of avocados, Tesla-driving influencers, and a Disneyland rebranded in honor of Hans Christian Andersen. Because nothing screams “fairy tale” like a Danish-themed version of It’s a Small World that aggressively insists on socialized healthcare.
Who’s Negotiating This? LEGO Executives and the Borgen Cast, Apparently
Denmark isn’t taking this lightly. The petition suggests that a team of LEGO executives and the entire cast of Borgen (the Danish version of The West Wing, but with more bicycles and fewer scandals) will lead negotiations. Because when you’re brokering a historic land deal, you obviously want toy moguls and fictional politicians in charge.
To sweeten the deal, Denmark has also promised a lifetime supply of Danish pastries, because nothing soothes the sting of potential geopolitical chaos quite like a warm, flaky cinnamon roll.
Trump’s Greenland Obsession Comes Full Circle
Of course, this entire campaign is a giant middle finger to Donald Trump, who, for reasons still unknown to rational thinkers, has been laser-focused on buying Greenland for years. His argument? Greenland is “critical to national security,” and, in his words, the people there “want” to be American—despite, you know, not wanting that at all.
Back in 2019, Denmark’s Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen called the idea “absurd,” which led to Trump throwing one of his trademark tantrums and canceling a trip to Copenhagen. Now that he’s back in office, he’s still at it, proving that if there’s one thing Trump never does, it’s let go of a terrible idea.
So Denmark decided to flip the script: “You want Greenland? Cool, how about we take California instead?” And let’s be honest, for a state that has spent the last decade pretending it’s its own country anyway, this might not be the worst idea.
Would This Actually Work?
Absolutely not. But it’s fun to think about.
California, after all, is the fifth-largest economy in the world—yes, it outperforms most actual countries.
It contributes more in federal taxes than it receives, fuels the tech industry, dominates agriculture, and holds the entertainment sector hostage with the power of Hollywood.
If America were to lose California, the rest of the country might actually have to learn how to grow avocados in the Midwest.
Spoiler: That’s not happening.
Plus, despite how much Trump might love calling California a “failed state,” there’s no universe where he’d let it go without a fight. This is the same man who spent years claiming New York hated him while still refusing to move to Florida full-time until absolutely necessary.
Make It Make Sense
At the end of the day, this petition is a masterclass in Danish trolling. It takes a ridiculous idea (buying another country’s land in the 21st century) and turns it on its head in the most entertaining way possible. And while Californians dreaming of universal healthcare and a Copenhagen-inspired bike utopia may be intrigued, they’ll have to settle for a weekend in Solvang, the Danish capital of America.
Or, you know, wait for the actual secession movement to pick up steam again.
Za-Head